Living with depression - 𝔹𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕤 ♥
See, Write, and Post-it. Our eyes see and record every memory that goes on in life.
First of all, let's get the facts!
- Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression.
- Depression is a leading cause of disability worldwide and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease.
- More women are affected by depression than men.
- Depression can lead to suicide.
- There are effective psychological and pharmacological treatments for moderate and severe depression.
Sources: World Health Organization Website
Everything was perfect within the years. As far as I can remember I have a good living even I don't have anything back then. I have a good memory of childhood even I know at that time my life wasn't perfect and life isn't stressful like now. When I was still a kid, I remember how big is my world, it as if the world is ours to play within. It just a happy moment.
Every moment that I live is just perfect, even there was a problem, a lot actually, but it just passed by like that. I didn't think much about it, it's not my priority at that time. However, as I growing up, there's a lot of struggling happened in my life, and it just happened, just like that.
Depression can happen from any sort of occasion, from school, work, jobless, family history, money, or your personality. And it can happen to anyone. In 2017, I didn't realize that I had some sort of depression symptom but I do realize that I have completely lost interest in anything I do. I feel sadder often than happy, I lose concentration and eventually affecting my work and school.
To tell the truth, I don't know how it starts, but I guess the reason is that I was stress and unemployed. I was living in the city at that time, and I am running out of money, at the same time, I need to pay for my study tuition, pay for my rental house, pay for the car, and so on. But, I got a good and understanding family, they did help me in so many ways. However, I still have the guilt of being troublesome.
I thought that my stress was only on that period of a month, but it lasts longer than I thought and it became worst as the year pass by. Throughout the years, I don't have the motivation in completing my study. I lost interest, I felt worthless, hopeless, tired, and falling behind. I totally lost interest in everything.
I seemed okay with my friends, but inside I was really shut my life from everyone. I kept everything to myself, sometimes I was crying in the room, and hoping that things will come back normal as before, where I don't really felt too emotional or too sad. Depression took away happiness, I am worried more rather than being okay with everything.
The worst scenario is when I felt like everyone is not giving me support, but they are there, giving their best to tell me it's okay. Comforting me with the words, but I just don't feel enough of it. I was trying to get open and try being positive but it's too hard. Even I was attending an event in the church and try to be open, telling everything, there's just a gap where my brain said, they won't understand anything.
The year 2018 was my worst year, I have an issue with my personality, I gain weight too much, and struggling to find a job, I even had the thought of ending my life. The pressure overtook my joyfulness. It's getting worst in the year 2019, I had severe sleeping trouble. I only slept for about 6 or 5 hours, whenever I tried to sleep, my heart was beating so fast. I've been to the hospital for that year, checking on my health, I thought I was having a heart problem, but instead, I was having anxiety.
Everyone has a different way of dealing with their depression. One of the ways is by talking with someone that you trust. At the end of the year 2019, I was getting better with my situation. I can't remember how did that happen, but I guess it's from talking with someone you really trust and understand. Sometimes the problem came from us (myself). We shut everyone else, and the result is we are getting worse.
In the early year of 2020, I'm learning on meditated and changed my lifestyle. I started changing my lifestyle, I exercise often, eat good food, read more books (a motivating book) and pray more. It's not the best year because of the pandemic and a lockdown but it does give me a space to explore more in my life. I was still having anxiety throughout the early year of 2020. But, things got better as I focus more on me.
I hope you will get healthier in physical and mental health, depression is a silent killer, we can make this, talk to someone, find a hobby, and keep praying.
"You feel this way because you walk your ways based on your own strength, this time, try to walk with God."
Disclaimer: This is my first ever blog to speak openly about my depression. The purpose of this blog's post is not to gain some popularity but to help others who were having the same experiences to live a better lifestyle. I'm not an expert in mental health but I hope you will get better and believes there always hope in despair.